Sarah Brady, Jonah Hill and Emotional Abuse
My first post about IPV
Jonah Hill, the Wolf of Wall Street himself, recently landed himself in hot water by having his past relationships details leaked for everyone to see. His ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brady, having suffered to brutality of dating the Cottage Cheese Charlatan, had to put up with even more bullshit in the form of being told what to wear, who to take pictures with, and even how to do her job as a surfer/surfing instructor. Even though there have been many think-pieces and articles downplaying her experiences and trauma, Sarah Brady’s story has the potential to shine a new light on the different ways Intimate Partner Violence take effect.
As it turns out, even though I’m not a woman, I have firsthand experience with the abuse Sarah Brady and many other women have gone through. It happened to be my mother’s life’s story. As a young woman, she was at the top of the world. She was a successful teacher that had a thriving business and her own property. She then entered a relationship, not necessarily out of love, but out of sympathy and pity. Throughout the relationship she had to sacrifice not just her career, she also cut off numerous friendships as well. As time wore on, she began to reestablish her economic and professional autonomy; she entered nursing school, hoping it would lead to a decent paying and stable job, she was unable to complete nursing school as her tuition was siphoned off out of fear she would leave the relationship. This would remain a theme throughout, the money in her savings account was liquidated, her job interviews were sabotaged, and her reputation was destroyed, the cops were called on her for suspected child abuse. What’s even worse, when she shared her traumatic experiences, she was painted as the sociopath and the villain instead of the man inflicting abuse onto her.
Her story is indicative of that of many women in relationships. But their stories are not believed because in addition to cards being stacked against them, society tends to have a very warped view of what abuse is and how it can manifest itself. To most people, if someone isn’t getting knocked upside their head on a daily basis, then the abuse is simply not occurring. Well, that couldn’t be any further from the truth, because like many things in this world, abuse isn’t black and white, it takes many different colors and many different forms. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, nearly half of all women in relationships are victims of emotional and psychological abuse. This abuse often takes many of the forms that were manifested in Jonah Hill’s treatment of Sarah Brady. Emotional abuse often crosses over into other forms of abuse such as financial and professional abuse as the abuser finds more and more ways to inflict mental harm on their victims and for many, having financial independence and a thriving professional career is tantamount to their emotional and psychological health. And to add injury (or worse) to insult, when the victim succeeds against all odds and creates a thriving independent life for herself and her family, the abuser commits the ultimate act of murder. In the news, you hear stories of spouses getting murdered by their significant others, often with no previous signs of physical violence. This is what makes it all the more important to notice the signs of emotional abuse early before it escalates into something worse.
As mentioned before, when Sarah Brady came forward with her story of emotional abuse, reactionaries across the internet dismissed her plight as another example of “woke indignation run amok.” In the face of all that bullshit, many women came forward with their own stories of psychological torment and manipulation. In the wake of the #MeToo movement pioneered by feminist activist Tarana Burke, more and more people are realizing the multiple ways in which Intimate Partner Violence can manifest itself and are coming to understand that there are more ways to abuse someone than bruising their body.